Bittersweet
by ixishxallixx
Summary: Yaoi. Incest. HikaKao, TamaKao. Implications of KyoTama and HikaHaru. XD  What happens to Kaoru when Hikaru dies? Who is there to "comfort" him? More reviews means more chapters!
1. This Chapter is Were There is Confusion

**I don't own Ouran Highschool Host Club, or any of its characters. If I did, there would be boy sex, boy sex, boy sex, boy sex, and more boy sex.**

Kyoya's POV:

Kaoru hasn't been acting like himself.

He's become... Angry. And depressed.

He gets set off so easily.

Ever since Hikaru died about a week ago, he's said next to nothing, hasn't eaten a thing, and hasn't been showing up to the host club.

Now that I think about it, I haven't seen him in school for 2 days now.

Regardless, I miss Hikaru a lot. No one ever thought that he'd die so young. Especially from killing himself.

From what I've seen from Kaoru, if someone says something, anything, about Hikaru, he either bursts into tears, or yells at them, saying that his brother's beautiful name doesn't deserve to come out of their filthy mouths.

He's driven some of the fangirls away with his anger, sadness and depression.

He cussed one out so bad, that she transferred schools.

I miss the old Kaoru.

I understand his grief. If my closest family member passed, I would be infuriated and depressed, but if you ask me, Kaoru is going a bit far.

Honey's POV:

I was really sad when I found out Hika-chan died. Mori won't tell me how. He must have died a really weird way.

Kao-chan hasn't been the same. He's really sad. More sad then me! And I was so sad, I didn't eat cake the whole first day.

He gets super angry super quick. He doesn't like it when people talk about Hika-chan. When I said something about him, Kao-chan started crying.

Mori told me not to say anything about him around Kaoru anymore.

Mori's POV:

-silence- ._.

Tamaki's POV:

I'm always trying to be compassionate to others, even though most of the time, I don't care.

But this time, I actually feel sorry for Kaoru, and sad about Hikaru's death.

Apparently, Hikaru went out for a walk, and jumped off a bridge. No one knows why. He didn't leave a note or anything.

I really feel sorry for Kaoru. He's so depressed. He hardly talks to anyone besides me. I haven't seen him eat either.

I haven't seen him in school for a couple days, but everyday after school I stop by his house and spend some time with him so he doesn't completely cut himself off from everyone.

But, oh god, I would have loved to have been Hikaru... Even if that "brotherly love" was just for show, I would have loved to touch him everyday. I would have loved to get so close that I could feel his breath in my lips. I would have loved to caress that perfect chin, and wrap my arms around his perfect frame.

But, sadly, I know that will never ever happen.

The final bell wakes me from my thoughts, and I pack up my stuff, and head to Kaoru's house


	2. This Chapter is Were Stuff is Explained

**I finally updated! Yay! My one and only fan wanted me to update soon, so there ya go, aliisa-chan, feel special. :D I love chu for being my only fan!**

Kaoru POV:

It's been exactly 168 hours, 19 minutes, and 51 seconds since I found out that Hikaru was dead.

He was my brother. My lover. My life. My everything. And his death was all my fault.

It was all because of my jealousy...

~flashback~

'What does she have that I don't..?' I thought while putting some of his clothes in his closet.

And that's when he walked in the door, and kissed my cheek.

"Don't kiss me." I said with disgust in my voice.

"What is up with you? We haven't fucked in weeks."

"Maybe if you weren't so caught up in Haruhi, you'd realize what was wrong.."

He lightly held my chin. "What are you talking about? I don't love Haruhi." He rapped his other arm around me.

I squirmed, trying to get away. "Its more obvious then the nose on my face!"

"Kaoru, I don't love Haruhi!"

"You're such a fucking lier!" I kicked him off of me. "I hate her! I hate how you love her! I hate you! I never want to see you ever again! I hope you die! Why don't you just go kill yourself? Then you'll know the pain you cause me!" I started to cry half way threw my seemingly useless rant.

"I-I don't understand... What makes you think I love her?"

"The way you look into her eyes. How you stare at her nonstop. How you talk about her all the time. You moan her name in your sleep and the last time we had sex, you kept lipping her name. If that doesn't sound like love, or obsession, I don't know what does! Get out of my sight!"

"Bu-"

"Don't even! Just go!"

"Kao-"

"Leave!"

And then he left.

Then the next morning, I found out that he had jumped off a bridge and killed himself.

Like I told him to.

~end of flashback~

I feel like a complete dick. I hate myself. I should have been the one to kill myself. He deserved life a lot more then I do.

I wish I would have believed him when he said he didn't love Haruhi. He never really talk about her. He moaned her name in his sleep once, but it sounded very painful. Not pleasureful. And he never moaned her name in sex. I completely over exaggerated everything.

And everything is all my fault.

I even pushed him into it by saying, 'Why don't you just go kill yourself?'

Those words have been echoing in my brain for days. Over and over and over and over. Why can't I take it back? Why can't I go back in time and stop myself from doing anything that would hurt him that night?

Why me?

Why?

I walk into the bathroom, pull a blade from one of the razors, put it to my wrist then,

'Thud' I hear the door downstairs shut, and footsteps quickly coming up the stairs.

I hear him knock on my door, and I run from my bathroom to under my covers.

"Kaoru!"

I sigh. Only two people would talk to me so happily in such a time of depression. Tamaki, and Honey. But Tamaki comes to see me everyday, so I know it's him.

"Come in..." my voice seems to be dieing along with my soul.

He opens the door, and sits next to me in my bed. "Why weren't you in school today?"

I shrug.

"Are you still depressed about Hikaru..?"

I suddenly break into tears. I'm a mess. Without Hikaru, I'm nothing.

I feel two warm, welcoming arms rap around my fragile, shaking body.

"Don't cry," he says, "I'm here."

"B-but you're... you're not Hi-Hikaru..."

"I know... But aren't I good enough?"

I quickly get out of his hug and stand up, still sobbing. "No! No one will EVER be like he is! No one will EVER be as loving and caring as he is! NO ONE CAN EVER REPLACE MY BROTHER!" I all but scream, I can't hold in my anger. Hikaru didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve to have any pain. I didn't deserve him.

"Kaoru, Hikaru is dead. Why are you talking about him like he's still alive?"

"I don't believe he's gone! He's not! I know he can't be! I love him too much!"

"Let me be your new Hikaru."

"No... I don't love you." I sit back on the bed.

"But I love you, Kaoru~" he pins me onto the bed.

"Let me go!"

"Not until you love me back." he starts to lick and suck on my neck as he starts to tie my arms to the headboard with his tie.

"I'll never love you! Let me go!" I start to fight agains my restrains.

"Then I'll never let you go." he starts to unbutton my shirt and take off my pants and underwear.

"Tamaki, stop, this is sick!"

"I see nothing wrong with making love with the person that you love." he licks from my belly button, all the way up the my ear, then blows in it.

"T-Tamaki... Please... I'm begging you..."

"Just say that you love me." he undoes his pants and takes out his member.

Tears fill my eyes again. "Never..."

He smirks, and pushes all the way into me without any preparation.

"Sto-AAAHHHHH!"


	3. This Chapter is Were Kaoru Gets Happy

**AN: I am SO sorry for the wait! It was like 3 months, right? I'm sorry it took this long, but I'm REALLY suprised that this story has 8 reviews! I mean, I think this story sucks. But AAANYWAY, here you are:P**

**OH. And I don't own Ouran Highschool Host Club. **

**Now, on with the story.**

Kaoru's POV:

I can hardly breath threw my tears. It feels like I'm dying.

Tamaki left a while ago, and left me worse then I was before.

I haven't gotten out of the bed to see the damage, but I'm pretty sure the sheets are filled with blood.

At least Tamaki enjoyed himself. I mean, I'm not ever going to get better, so it's good that he got something out of my pain.

My eyes become heavy. I'm not sure if it's from the depression, or if I'm just tired. I'll try to sleep it off.

Tamaki's POV:

I finally got inside Kaoru. God, he was tight. He fought back, and every time he did, he hurt his beautiful, delicate wrists.

"I love him~" I say in a sing song voice while walking home, nearly skipping.

I mean, if you fucked Kaoru Hitachiin, wouldn't you be skipping in happiness?

I bet that's why Hikaru was so happy all the time.

That lucky bastard. I could have killed him myself.

"Oh Kaoru," I say, plopping down in my incredibly soft bed, "You're so amazing~! I love you."

I start to snuggle with my pillow, then I hear a knock on my door.

"Tamaki," it's Kyoya.

"Come in~"

"How was Kaoru?" He sat down next to me.

"Not too good. He kinda looked sick."

"Did you ask him when he's coming back to school?"

"No."

"Is there something wrong, Tamaki?"

"No. Not at all." I hold back a smirk.

"Okay... So how sick does he look?"

"He's all pale, and his voice is all weird."

"It's probably just from all of his depression."

I kiss him on his lips and push him onto the bed, with my cheek nuzzling into his chest.

I look up and see him smile as he ran his fingers threw my hair.

My hands travel down, all the way to his hips. "Oh, Kyouya..." I give his pants a tug. He smirks.

"Need help?"

I bat my eye lashes. "Yes, please." I smile.

Kaoru's POV:

We're walking threw the streets, laughing, hugging, smiling.

He caresses my chin, and starts to kiss my lips. I finally feel comfort as I melt into his arms. I rap my arms around his neck, and push forward, making the kiss deeper. He pulls away.

He starts to fade.

I start to shiver, and hug him tight.

"P-please don't go..."

He kisses my forehead, and says "Goodbye, Kaoru."

I whisper, "I love you..." as tears start to fall down my face.

Soon, my arms are empty.

He's gone.

"H-Hika...Hikaru..." The tears fall harder.

I wake up, tears streaming down my face. My hand is in the spot where he used to sleep.

"I can't take this..." I whimper. "Why can't I just die..? Why can't this end?"

"I wonder if Hikaru misses me..."

Probably not. I was the reason he killed himself, after all.

"I'm such a failure... I never do anything right..."

I walk to the dresser, hugging myself.

I open up Hikaru's drawers, and look threw his things. He had so many pictures of us. So many camera's filled with memories of good times. He had a very big music collection, too. Everything from Vocaloid, to Lady GaGa, Two Door Cinema Club, and even some Jamie's Elsewhere, and Suicide Silence.

I unfold his favorite pajama pants, the ones that are orange and black plaid. I study them. Every wrinkle, juice stain, and hole.

I run to the bathroom, carrying them with me.

I start to hum his favorite song, Come Back Home, by Two Door Cinema Club.

Ironic, I know.

I start to sing, "So now you're on your own, won't you come back home,"

I undress, "To see you're not that kind, and find the strength to find,"

And get in the shower, "The strength to find another way," I take my shower, thinking of Hikaru, singing the whole time.

It seems like I wash away all my sadness and depression, I actually feel happy, afterwards, despite what just happened not even a couple hours ago.

I get out, and put his pajama pants on, then part my hair to the side he always had it. I cuddle myself, and smile, giggling just like I did when he was alive.

"I'm gonna go back to school tomorrow." 

I sit around for a bit, just staring at myself, mesmereized by how much I actually look like Hikaru. Before he died, I thought we looked very different, despite us being twins, but now, I'm very thankful that I look so much like him.

"Ya know what?" I say to myself, "I'm gonna go pay Tamaki a visit." I evilly smirk, chuckling just like I would have if Hikaru was here.

**AN: OOOOOOOOHMAHGOD. You all are in for quite a suprise when I update next. And no, Kaoru's not gonna rape Tamaki back, thats retarded. XD**


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